The Boy (2016) Review


Written by Mike Wells Jr.

The Boy (2016)

41%

As always I can promise there are absolutely no spoilers in this review.

In The Mix

Director: William Brent Bell, Writer: Stacey Menear Cast: Lauren Cohan, Rupert Evans & Jim Norton

The Ten Word Skinny

"About a boy, but not the one with Hugh grant."

The Quote

Greta Evans: You wouldn’t hurt me, would you Brahms?

The Beef

How many more middle of the road horror films can Hollywood churn out? Every time I give these films the benefit of the doubt in hope they will give me something new and fresh and sure enough, I get bashed in the balls, like that annoying kid in the playground.

This film is silly, predictable and downright offensive. At no point was I even slightly scared, apart from the realisation that my parking ticket may have run out 10 minutes before the end of the film.

It is with even greater apprehension I will now part with any of my hard earned cash to see another horror film. I’ve considered even join our editor in chief Matt and choose to eradicate them from my life, all though not because I’d wet myself through being scared. Or maybe I’ll make him watch them with me, so we can both cry like little babies, if not for different reasons.



Alternatively (and more likely) I’ll continue to watch and watch each new release, with the anticipation that I’ll finally find that scare I’m looking for. Like returning home late from the pub hoping not to wake the wife or that time you thought you’d left the gas on and are miles away from the house.

The Story in Short


Lauren Cohen, fresh from her 5 minutes as Martha Wayne and a plethora of Walking Dead episodes stars as Tina an American Nanny who moves across the pond to work for an English couple looking after their little boy...who turns out to be *SHOCK HORROR* a life-sized doll.

"Hasn’t she seen Gremlins?"

Tina (Cohen) arrives after a break up from a rough relationship to a stereotypically English country mansion ready to start her new life as a nanny in England. A nanny I wish I’d have had when I was a child!

She is greeted by the stern lady of the house who hurries her into the living room to meet her husband and  her “son”. Tina laughs out loud, as I would have imagined she wished she could throughout the film when she realises the boy is not a real boy... but this ain't no Pinocchio! She’s given a set of strict rules to look after him and of course quickly takes these for granted… hasn’t she seen Gremlins?

Add in your standard horror fare jumpy moments, that don’t make you jump and mysterious goings on and it climaxes in yet another predictable ending. In fact, I assume you can probably guess what happens just by the synopsis.

The film others no real scares, no real shocks and at times could be a comedy rather than horror, all though it is not the film's intention. Cohen's performance cannot be criticised in this movie, just her decision to take on the role after presumably reading the script?!

Presumably, the studio saw the success of The Conjuring and Annabelle and decided we need more Horror films about dolls. Maybe we do, but they need to be of a better calibre that this.

Popcorn or Pie?

Like a small child, I’m throwing this slice of mud pie off the table, along with all my toys out the pram. Skip this for long walks in the park, and skimming stones along the beach. Or alternatively, go back to some old school Child's Play and let Chucky show you how it’s really done.

Say What?

The Boy was not the original title of the film. It was previously called “In a dark place” (like this film left me after it was over) and had Jane Levy as the lead actor. Not that this would have made the film any better!

Anybody order a Loveburger??? WELL DONE.

Have I missed something? Tell me I want to know!!!!


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